About

Thanks for stopping by!

My name is Danielle, I’m (almost) 21 years old and I live in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I’m born and raised it this teeny, tiny, rainy country. Amsterdam may be small and our climate isn’t what you’d call sunny, but to me this is the place to be! I love the contrast of the energy and the laidback feeling of the city. Everything is in walking and biking distance and it’s quite affordable to
live here in comparison to other European cities. If you haven’t visit Amsterdam yet, please do! I’ll show you around with pleasure:) Enough advertising for Amsterdam.

I started reading healthy living blogs about two years ago and you could say it sort of saved me.  I was struggling with an eating disorder, anorexia and I was feeling completely stuck and depressed about my future. I didn’t have much hope and everything seemed so extremely hard to deal with.  I didn’t have the energy to take on life as a young person should.

One day I stumbled upon two healthy living blogs. One was Eat Live Run from Jenna and one happened to be from Kath
from Kath Eats Real Food. Both ladies portrayed a lifestyle of enjoying foods like cheese, butter, nuts and wines without being obsessed about it. Who knew such people existed! And they weren’t overweight either!!! They were beautiful, vibrant young women with a passion for food and they looked happy with themselves.

I felt a little nostalgic about my younger years (I make it sound like I’m 80), because I was actually a child who loved good food and ate everything. My mum cooked very healthy and she didn’t even consider to cook me “child friendly” foods such as chicken with fries and applesauce like most Dutch children got. Luckily I was an easily pleased kid and I ate every morsel on my plate. From spinach to salads, salmon and crudités. I ate it all with gusto. I actually preferred healthy foods over Mc Donald’s.

After a though period of being picked on, changing schools, developing extreme insecurities, going through my parent’s divorce and getting thyroid problems, I found a coping mechanism; food.

I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism at the age of fourteen and before I finally knew what was going on with my exhausted and overweight body, I had tried every diet in the world. But obviously nothing seemed to help. You can eat rice cakes every day for a year and you won’t lose any weight without getting the right medication.

Once I got the right medication, I slowly started dropping some pounds. It didn’t go as fast as I’d like and I turned to dieting and exercising again. But this time I did lose all the weight. I guess the weight omes off fast with a diet of only chicken, fish and veggies. (don’t do it!!!)

During this time I got severely obsessed about food, working out and losing weight. I know my eating disorder was always lurking in the background, but this time it was totally present. I didn’t know I was developing an eating disorder and doing something that was considered “sick behavior”. How is that even possible when everyone is telling you how great you look and how much of a perseverance you must have for losing so much weight on your own?! I thought I was responsible for my own happiness and without being extremely thin, happiness didn’t existed.

So this cycle of dieting, working out, getting thinner and not partaking in any social life continued until I was “finally” underweight. Note; this was my eating disorder talking.

I still vividly remember a particular holiday to the cote d’azur with my dad and some friends. It was the first time going on a holiday since my eating got out of hand. I didn’t expect anything from it, but before the plane got to the grounds, I got a panic attack. (not noticeable for the others) How on earth was I going to control my eating in a country full of butter, sauces and carbs? Staying in a hotel, going out to eat three times a day and not being able to cook my own food was my version of hell. My whole holiday was about what, when en where my next meal was going to be. In the middle of the night I called up my mum (who was in Holland at the time) and I couldn’t stop crying. I tried to explain her how much panic I felt and that I didn’t know how to deal with my eating during this holiday. Somehow I survived, but I was extremely happy to go back home.

The moment I got back from my holiday, I went to a psychiatrist and I got diagnosed with Anorexia. The rollercoaster of therapy
sessions, group meetings and reading books about Anorexia started from there.

This nightmare finally stopped after almost six years of battling anorexia. I had enough of this terrible disease and I wanted to have my life back. I went to a clinic specialized in eating disorders and I got the most intense life changing therapy for six months, three days a week.

I still have some issues when it comes to controlling what I eat, but that’s significant smaller than what it used to be. I consider myself being 99% cured. There still is 1% of disordered thoughts, but I could actually live with that small percentage. Though I still
thrive to be 100% disordered-thoughts free. (is that even a word?)

I think every woman who strives to be healthy has some control issues when it comes to everything food. We’re never good enough, we don’t eat enough healthy products, we should exersize more, yada yada. I know lots of women who never had an eating disorder and feel guilty on a daily basis when they over indulge. But that’s life and life goes on and we should cut ourselves some slack. Nobody is perfect and we won’t die from eating too much cake, chocolate or …….. (fill in the blanks) once in a while.

I finally found a balance of treating my body with respect and being happy with myself. There is still some progress to be made with eating foods I consider “unhealthy”, but I’m proud of how much I’ve grown and I NEVER want to go back to that horrible place I’ve once been.

Currently I’m focusing on a starting my new life as a future RD student, living on my own and making new friends along the way. And of course enjoying food.

Happy reading!

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One Response to “About”

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  1. I binged last night « foodfashionboats - July 10, 2011

    […] About […]

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