I binged last night

10 Jul

Disclaimer; I don’t want to trigger anyone with eating disorders, so if you’re battling with an eating disorder, please do not read this.

Last night was bad. I binged. If you read my about page, you can see I’m still on the road of recovery of Anorexia. Binging has never been my major problem, as it only happened once in a while when I encountered lots of stress or emotional feelings. I was feeling very tired and emotional yesterday and I even tried to take a nap during the day. This is something I never do, but I just wanted to escape from my emotional mental state and thought a little shut-eye would help. It didn’t work though. I only tossed and turned in bed. I had a salad for dinner, because I wasn’t in the mood to cook. (what else is new) I loaded up on heavy toppings to make it very filling and overall I had a good dinner. My mom and I watched a adorable movie, The Switch, and after eating 3 persimons, I felt overly full for some reason. The combination of feeling exhausted, slightly depressed and very full is the winning ticket for binging. And then it happened. I zoned out and ate and ate and ate, untill I couldn’t anymore. I was nausious, felt disgusting and cried myself to sleep. I couldn’t get in out of my head and feelings of major guilt took over. It’s the morning after now and I still feel terribly guilty. My mother and I were supposed to have dinner with friends tonight, but I cancelled. I know that’s probably not the best way to deal with this issue, but I can’t just sit there and act happy and eat, while I just want to be home, cook a healthy dinner and be alone with my thoughts. We’re going to that dinner tomorrow and I know it we’ll be a lot better.

All I want to do now is compensate. I’m going to try my best not to, but at least I know tomorrow I will be back to normal. I hope I don’t trigger anything with anyone by telling my story, but I just had to let it out. This hasn’t happened in a long time and I was really surpised (not in a good way) with this.

Thanks for listening and I’ll leave you with some eats from yesterday.

Breakfast

Lunch

Dinner

Is there anyone out there who experienced the same thing? Meaning; being almost recovered and still have dealt with binging?

Sorry for this emotional post, but it helped me a lot to write it down and deal with my feelings.

I promise a happy post tomorrow!

Have a sunny Sunday:)

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2 Responses to “I binged last night”

  1. alex July 15, 2011 at 8:36 pm #

    I’ve always been self conscious of my weight and a few years ago I made an attempt to loose weight, I satrted exercising and counting calories, eating salads, fat free foods, I avoided sugar, bread, as well as other things. It turned into a not so healthy thing, I went down to 90 lbs or maybe less (I never weighed myself), and if I didn’t know the calorie content of something I wouldn’t eat it. After a long time of eating like this I developed a binge eating problem and although that was a few years ago I still struggle from time to time 😦

    • foodfashionboats July 16, 2011 at 7:33 am #

      Hi Alex! Thanks for commenting! I hadn’t binged for nearly a decade (in my mind) so I was really surprised with this. I can imagine having a binge eating problem, because I suffered from anorexia, but this was never mij main issue. Both eating disorders look alike and it’s absolutely terrible to live with. I’m sorry to hear your still struggling with your eating disorder, but I promiss you it will get better!

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